How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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