Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
