you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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