Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
