I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
