im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
