jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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