Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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