i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
