bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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