He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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