she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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