.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
