A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
