i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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