it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
