**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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