Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
