dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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