Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
only if we run a train.
done.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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