I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
