Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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