well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
