What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You made out with two different species that night
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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