***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
