I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
