you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
