i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
