I haven't been this sober since birth.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...