in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL