Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
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Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.