Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!