just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?