last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.