Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed