life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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