ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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