Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
