Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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