"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
