While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
