Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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