Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
