he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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