my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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