My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
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PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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