It's just like the Real World with babies
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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