its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
try to milk me bitch
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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