and i looked up. we had an audience...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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