I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
