the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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