so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
