Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she woke up with a sticky ear
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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