i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you win again, gameday.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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