By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
