just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
