Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
