Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
