peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
