I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
