Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
