went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
