took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
