a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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