I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
